Little Red
by the-curse-of-angelica
Summary: An insolent brat named Red is sent to his grandmother's house one day. And who does he meet along the way but some rabid sheep and a not so helpful wolf.


Summer Smith

Mrs. McNally

Grammar 3

17 March 2013

A Tale of Incongruity

Once upon a time there was a lazy, impudent boy called Red, because of his bright red hair. He never turned in his homework or did his chores and he always talked back to his teachers and parents. One day his mother had a job for him.

"Red, your grandma who lives in the woods on the far the edge of town needs some cat food for her pets. I'm busy right now so could you please take some to her?"

"You mean walk there, Mother? Nothing could induce me to do such a physically exerting task. No, I shall stay at home and play my video games," replied the boy.

"I locked all your videogames in the basement. You can have them back after you come back from your grandmother's." Of course she hadn't done any such thing, but Red was such a gullible boy that he believed it.

"Fine, where's the cat food," he said grudgingly. His mother warned him not to stay away from the right path and off he went, with not a hint of exuberance, to complete his mission.

His path was not hampered by any obstructions and he made his way to his grandmother's house quite peacefully until he came to a place where sheep were being kept. He looked at the sheep. They looked back at him. It was quite eerie actually, the way those sheep were staring at him with their small beady eyes. They were standing stock still as if they were waiting for a chance to attack.

"Hmph, stupid sheep," remarked Red with an air of haughty disdain. "You don't scare me." And just to prove his point he instigated them by picking up a rock and throwing it into the midst of the herd. It hit one baby sheep right between the eyes and the poor thing dropped to the ground with a thud.

The rest of the sheep bared their sharp, pointy teeth and charged. Red faltered for a brief moment before turning around and running for his life.

"I always thought sheep were innocuous!" he yelled as he ran.

He was able to gain some distance between himself and the sheep as they kept knocking into each other, but he was soon met by another problem. In the middle of the road sat a large black wolf. Red didn't know what to do to extricate himself from this dire dilemma. Would he rather be eaten by the sheep or the wolf?

Unbeknownst to Red, this particular wolf was rather fastidious. He only ate blond haired, blue eyed children weighing about 80lbs and under 4'9" in height. He saw Red coming with a look of terror on his face and felt a bit of pity for the poor kid.

"Let me guess. You provoked the man-eating sheep," said the wolf. "Tsk, tsk. How could you do such an incorrigible deed? Nevertheless I may help you if you give me something in return."

Red was not buying any of this. "Stay back. You're just using guile to give me a false sense of security so that you can eat as soon as I get closer. That's how it always is in these types of stories. At first it's all rainbows and flowers and bam, next thing you know your grandma has big teeth. I've read Little Red Riding Hood, not that I'm proud of it."

"If I were going to eat you, I would just do it right now. I may be a wolf, but I have some integrity. I'm not going to dress up as an old lady. Besides, I only eat blond haired, blue eyed children."

"Fine then. Do something quick; I can sense the sheep getting closer," said the boy.

"What do I get in return?"

Quickly, Red wrote down the address of one of his blond classmates an exemplary student named Marvin, and gave it to the wolf. He then continued running in the hopes that the wolf would get rid of the sheep.

Unfortunately there were two impeccably blond, blue-eyed children called Hansel and Gretel who were lost in the same woods. The wolf caught sight of them and forgot all about his deal with Red. The sheep progressed swiftly towards their meal.

After a while Red came two a grove in the middle of the woods. He could hear the sheep behind him, but he was tired from running and needed a place to hide. In the middle of the grove were two houses. One was dismal, grey, and looked like it could use a few innovations. It was surrounded by barbed wire and had bars over the windows. The other house was an ingeniously built gingerbread mansion. The icing designs were incredible and the candy decorations had just the right amount of aesthetic appeal.

Naturally, Red chose to hide in the barbed wire house. He was erroneous in his choice. The abode housed a formidable ogre who had no preference regarding food. He immediately noticed Red coming in the front door.

"Hah, my plan worked," he said, "I knew people would be wary of my sister's house after reading that fairytale about the witch and those children."

"Wait," asked Red. "You mean it's not a scary witch who lives in the gingerbread house."

"No, it's just my annoying little sister who our parents always used to extol because she was all pretty and got good grades. I hate living next to her, but at least I get free lunch. Now I'm going to eat you!"

Red quickly ran out of the barbed wire house only to find that the gingerbread house was gone and all the gluttonous sheep were lying on the ground looking quite placid. A pretty lady was running around crying and the ogre felt obliged to go over and comfort her.

Red looked on in amazement for a while and then walked to his grandmother's house. After his adventure everything seemed inconsequential. He went back home, had supper, and went to bed feeling as though he were forgetting something.

The next day, Marvin was absent from school.

~The End~


End file.
